Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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