some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
