Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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