I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
