im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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