; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
