at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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