Your face is a jimmy john
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
