My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
