It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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