I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
