My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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