Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
