We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
