ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
