When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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