its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
