the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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