Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
