At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
