well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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