Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
