i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
