Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
