I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
