i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
