I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
