Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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