wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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