Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
