Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
