Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
