Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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