Already got asked if we're dating
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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