Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
