its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
