I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
