Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
