i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
sarcasm needs its own font
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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