I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
