I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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