morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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