Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
