i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
