we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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