are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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