You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
