i jhust puked up my retainher.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just want nice things and good sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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