You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
