her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
