The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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