i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
