Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
