So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
