we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
